My dearest husband
by jtrw0402
Summary: Donna needs to leave Harvey for good despite it being against her wishes... There's so much she wants to say but she knows she doesn't have the courage to face him, so she picks up the pen and starts writing...


**Hi all! First fanfic here, so please do read and review, and please forgive on the poor grammar. English isn't my native language. This was an idea i had for a short story of mine, but it never felt right with the characters I had. And given the recent developments with the show, I don't know if we'll ever see Donna and Harvey together. So, i decided that even if they can't be together in the very end, i'd at least want to give them something. Apologies in advance... this is a cruel one, but I really wanted to focus on the love Donna had for Harvey.**

 ***Kids names were the original ones i used for my short stories, so if this is the same as other fics, then it is purely a coincidence.**

 **Background** **: Harvey and Donna finally got together after 13 years... they are married and have a 3 year old son, Ethan, as well as a baby girl on the way. But... Donna was diagnosed with ovarian cancer during her pregnancy. Harvey tried to get Donna to terminate the pregnancy, but Donna wasn't going to give up on their child. She had been receiving treatment as they try to bring the baby as close to term as possible, but being Donna, she prepares for the worst, knowing that she might not survive the surgery...**

"My dearest husband, Harvey,

I love you my darling. If you're reading this, it means that I haven't made it. I wish I could have returned home to you and Ethan, along our baby girl, Ava Grace, and I would be disposing this letter as you would never have had to read it. Sadly, I guess that's not what life had in store for us.

I know this is difficult for you… because every time I think of not seeing you again, it absolutely breaks my heart. But maybe you're stronger than me. I know you'll come out of this fine. Please bear with me as I've got a lot to say - things i'd like to have said to you in person, but sadly, I can't. I would never have had the courage to say goodbye to you in person...

Harvey, I love you so much. Meeting you and falling in love with you has been the best thing to happen to me. I'm not going to say it was easy, because it never was. But I don't regret any of it. I still remember the day I walked into that bar… I knew I was immediately attracted to you - a handsome but cocky asshole who's also ridiculously funny and charming… knowing how much you affected me, I had no choice but to keep a distance from you.

But in all honesty, I wish I didn't wait 13 years before I told you how I truly felt, but we both know that we weren't ready before that. Trust me when I say I never regretted a single day in those 13 years. Having you in my life has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. You gave me everything i could have possibly asked for. A career, a best friend, a partner, a husband, a family... and last but not least, you gave me one of life's most precious gifts – motherhood.

Everyday I thank my lucky stars for our beautiful boy, Ethan. He's a real mini-me of you - a cheeky and charming little man who's full of joy – he's absolutely gorgeous and I know he'll grow up to be just as handsome as his daddy. I'll miss seeing the "Specter smile" on his little face - that cheeky cheshire cat grin he got from you. I'll miss out on seeing the two of you together… father and son baseball practice or days out to watch basketball.

And our little girl, Ava… I'm so upset that I can't even get to meet her. After 13 long years, things had started to finally go right for us, and now… this happens. For the past few months, I couldn't help but think what she would look like. Would she have my hair colour or yours? And eye colour? I hope she has yours, just like Ethan - the most beautiful and mesmerising eyes ever. Her personality... Would she be more like me or you? And then I imagined what she and Ethan would be like growing up… would Ethan be the protective big brother, always looking out for his sister, or would they be constantly fighting with each other? If Ava's going to be anything like me then you and Ethan need to watch out! Our little madam will keep both of you in check!"

A tear dropped on the paper and Harvey quickly wiped it away, afraid that it'll smudge the ink. He could imagine their daughter growing up to be just like her mom - intelligent, kind, funny and full of sass.

"As much as i laugh at the idea of Ava having you wrapped around her finger and being the one running the house, words can't even begin to describe how upset I truly am... I'll never get to meet her in person, i wont be there to see her first crawl, her first steps, hearing her say her first words... And with Ethan as well, i'll won't be there with them on their first day of school... their proms, their graduations... i wont be there with them when they find their other halves, get married and have kids... Harvey, promise me that you'll always be there for them. Ethan and Ava will need you now more than ever. You're already an amazing father to Ethan, but I know being a single parent is hard. You can't possibly do everything, but all I ask of you is that you love them with all your heart. Give Ethan and Ava enough love for both a father and a mother. They're young and won't understand what's happened, but when they grow up and ask about me, tell them that I loved them, and that I continue to love them even though I'm gone. I love them both more than I loved my life."

Harvey continued to wipe away the tears as he read on.

"Harvey, I know you'll be crying when reading this. But please, don't cry for me. I may no longer be there in person, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there with you, always. The only difference will be that you won't see me. But I will. I will always watch over you, Ethan and Ava. There with you as you lose sleep having to do her night feeds; when Ethan is throwing one of his tantrums… I'll be there watching them grow up, and I'll always watch over you… I'll be with you at every one of court cases, supporting you through it all, and most importantly, I'll be there to protect you from all those women who'll try to throw themselves at you… After all, I did happen to marry the sexiest and most handsome closer in New York City!"

Harvey couldn't bring himself to smile at her attempt of joke as he continued reading.

"But Harvey, i'm only kidding. You're allowed to choose someone as your partner again… find love again… marry again… maybe give Ethan and Ava more siblings? I want you to eventually move on… move on without guilt. You're allowed to Harvey. Because i'll be here even if you throw out my stuff. I'll be here if you go out on my birthday and our anniversaries instead of sitting at home letting life's moments pass by you. It's okay to take off my ring and let yourself smile again. I love you Harvey, and all I want is for you to be happy, even if it can't be with me."

Harvey's heart ached with pain as he even had the slightest thought of moving on from Donna and taking his ring off.

"Nobody could have changed what happened - the doctors and nurses couldn't, and you certainly couldn't. Harvey, please. Don't sit there blaming yourself, because you did nothing wrong.

I love you, Harvey. And I wished we could have spent more time together… I wish we could have got together soon and had more time together as a couple… but more than anything else, I wish we could have raised our children and grow old together. Maybe in the next life? I'll meet you at the very same bar. I'll be there waiting for you to show up so all this could happen again. I wouldn't even care if we have to go through the 13 years of waiting again… As long as I get to love you once more - to be your wife, to have you as my husband, and to have Ethan and Ava as our children… I'd happily do it again.

Harvey, thank you for being the love of my life.

I don't want to stop. I just want to keep writing as there's so much more I want to say, but I guess, everything has to come to an end some time. Goodbye for now darling… I know we'll meet up again someday...

Your loving wife,

Donna.

P.S. I have a letter written for Ethan and Ava too for when they're slightly older. It's in the bottom drawer on my side of the bed. Please make sure they get the letter - it's the last thing I can ever give them."

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this and thanks for reading! Appreciate any feedback you can give.**


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